


Get out of my head

by LuciferNancy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Actor Ben Solo, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asperger Syndrome, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Friendship/Love, Gen, Rey Needs A Hug, Romance, Slow Burn, Virgin Rey (Star Wars)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22412539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuciferNancy/pseuds/LuciferNancy
Summary: Rey is on the spectrum and she's obsess with the actor Ben Solo and his last movie, the Rise of Kylo Ren. What happens when a weird fan, far away from home, meet the one who takes all the place in her mind since far too long?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 27
Kudos: 59





	1. There he is

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the English mistakes. I hope it's still ok. If someone wants to help with the langage, feel free to message me. Any help is welcome. I am asperger and I speak French, and it's my first fanfic and English is not easy so please, be nice with me! I dont know how many chapters I will do. It will mostly depend of the comments I receive I guess. The story is already written in my head!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How come someone like me can meet someone like you? - Rey

Chapter 1 There he is.

Rey is so mad at herself right now. She has plan everything for so long. She is finally there, at the Los Angeles Comicon and she’s not even able to stay inside like any normal girl. There’s too much noise, too much lights. Too much movements and people to deal with. She just doesn’t know where to go, what to do and it makes her brain melt completely in a useless thing. The plane trip was already difficult for her to handle and she was so overwhelmed when she arrived at the hotel that she has just sleep for 2 hours on the bed, too tired to even change her clothes. Being near strangers during 3 hours in a plane is exhausting for everybody, but for Rey, it is like being held captive in her own private hell of anxiety and pain. She is used to it, dealing with social interactions and the awful stress and awkwardness that comes with it. Being Asperger is part of who she is and most of the time, she is even happy with it. But today, when she entered the place that she has dream about for the last 6 months and she has not been able to stay for more than 20 minutes, 20 LONG minutes of full panic mode, she hates herself. She hates being different. She hates Asperger syndrome. It is what have brought her there at the first place, that crazy new obsession of her and it’s still the reason why she now hides between trashes bins behind the Comicon building, in fetal position on a very dirty floor.

She is not even ashamed of the crying that has start while she was asking someone inside where she needed to go for the photoshoots. A photoshoot she has now the ticket in her hand, useless, just like herself. She’s used to it, the tears that comes to her eyes all the time when she is completely fulfill by anxiety. The girl who presented herself as Rose was very nice and have acted as she didn’t notice the tears at all and Rey was thankful for it. But after having listening to her explaining about the place on a very excited high pitch tone, Rey was not able to concentrate anymore. She was looking at the long line of people waiting for the photoshoot and she knew. She had used almost all her money to came at this place and for the pictures, but it was a very bad idea, she now was sure of it. It was over. She gave quick excuses to Rose and ran outside, crying a lot more now that she has stop trying to contain it. And here she is, ticket in hand, balancing on the floor, trying to sooth herself, one more time.

When the backdoor opens, she doesn’t move and try to disappear pushing herself on the wall. It must be someone working there, maybe the cleaning team. She doesn’t know how many times passed since she has collapse there on the floor, but it must be already late. She knows that she should go back to her hotel room and face her failure once again. She just doesn’t feel like moving already. She’s so tired and empty and angry with herself. She will not even get to see him, the actor that she cant keep out of her head. All this time waiting for nothing. And the stupid tears that can't stop falling. The man who has pass the door is now standing 2 meters from her. It’s dark so she can’t truly see if it’s some fans or a Comicon worker, but she truly doesn’t care. She doesn’t want to be seen right now because if he does see her, it’s sure that he will talk to her. People always does that. Asking her why she’s crying when truly she doesn’t know what to answer. Looking at her like she’s weird or deserve their pity. She looks at her hands and hope the man will soon go back inside and she will be free to leave if she feels like it.

But he doesn’t go back inside. He’s now leaning on the wall looking away from her and from where she stands, she can’t help but notice how tall he is. Rey is only 5 foot so almost everybody looks tall for her, but he is huge. He looks at his large feet, his hair falling in his face and he kicks on a Pepsi can.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck” she hears him say in a very low voice.

A voice that crawls under her skin and makes her listen, moveless like a deer facing a car, because some weird place in her brain is now fully attentive. The man turns his head and his eyes lays on her for 2 seconds, acknowledging her presence. She stares at him. She knows she must look weird in her corner between the trash and she should just run away as fast as she can right now. But she can’t. She just stares.

“Please don’t mind me, I though I was alone”

His voice is a little more than a whisper. It’s raw and low and it makes her shiver. She tries to tell him that’s it’s ok, but her voice can’t seem to obey her. She chokes on a breath she just notices she was holding for way too long and it makes a strange noise that makes him turn his head again. His fingers are playing in his long hair and he’s now truly looking at her, catching the absurdity of her being sitting there. She sees all this in his eyes and she’s not very good at reading people faces. But she knows his face so well. She has looks at videos of him talking and laughing and doing sweet nothing so often that she can’t count it. It’s him, the reason why she’s there so far away from her home and he’s looking at her like she’s an alien from one of his movies.


	2. Staring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Rey brake the staring rule...but ok, what rule is it anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to broke the text to make it easier to read. Since I started writing, people always told me about my too long phrases and too long paragraphs, so I will do my best. I hope you enjoy it.

It all started because of her young neighbour. Jennah is 16 years old and she’s a very sweet girl who always seems to be happy about life. Rey loves how Jennah laugh always bubbles out of nowhere and how she sings on the street like she doesn’t care what people think about her. She loves how Jennah always listen when Rey gets passionate about subject that people usually don’t get so excited about. She doesn’t look bored when Rey talks about plants all the time each time they met. The plants, it was her obsession before him. She was so into it, like it happens with every subject that she falls over head for since she’s young enough to care. She was walking on the streets and the only things that was getting her attention was all the different plants around. Like a plant’s encyclopedia opening in front of her. It’s something very difficult to understand for those who are not on the spectrum. She knows it. It gets on people nerves when she is so focused on something that she forgets about the people around. When her head is so full of something that there is no place left, she can only think and talk about this thing that take all the place. But Jennah doesn’t care and Rey can be a good listener too. And she really likes Jennah because she is just who she is.

So, when one day Jennah asks her to accompany her to the theater for a movie she knows nothing about, she don’t think twice. In the theater she listens to Jennah being ecstatic about the movie they are going to watch. They both wears a tshirt with the movie characters on it (Jennah told her it was an obligation) and Rey feels nice listening to Jennah chatting about characters, actors and what she expects of this new movie. It feels for once that Rey is not the one obsessing about one subject and she feels normal and it feels good because it’s a rare thing. Rey knows nothing about the movie, but she doesn’t care. She’s all ears for Jennah. Once it starts, it takes some time for Rey to understand the story because she never watched the previous movies and it’s not as If it was a simple love story. It’s about space wars and politics and there’s ships shooting every where. It’s fast and full of visual effets. It is so good that Rey almost forget how the sounds is sometimes too loud and hurt.

And then, there he is. Kylo Ren. He is the villain in the story, but Jennah had many elaborate theories about how he was not truly bad, how he would come back to the light eventually. Rey watch him with his black helmet and his red saber, and she forget everything around. It almost feels like she’s in outer space herself in a good way. It’s exciting. Not so long in the movie, Kylo Ren takes off his helmet while he talks to the heroine and Rey feels it. The strange clicking bond in the back of her mind. That small bond that always appears when a new subject of interest pulls to her. She retains herself from getting her phone out so she can google about the actor playing Kylo. She knows she will do it anyway as soon as the movie is over. She knows that she will watch this movie many more times again in the next weeks. She knows he will stay at the back of her head waiting to come out when she tries to work and preventing her from concentring on what people say to her. It’s all plain there in the way he plays anger and pain in such realistic way. In the way he’s so odd looking but so beautiful at the same time. It’s inevitable, it crushes her, and she smiles.

Ben Solo’s back is on the wall 2 meters from her and he is starring at her. He does nothing but staring and she does nothing but fidgeting with her rings while avoiding his gaze. She has learned the hard way in the past that staring never leads to good things. When she was at university in Montreal, she was sometimes (all the times!) staring at one guy in her psychology class. He was a very popular boy, always surrounded by friends, most of them being girls who chuckled way to loud. He was tall, short brown hair, large soft brown eyes. And he was so smart and cocky, it made her want to talk to him when she usually never felt this way. Like for nobody. But Rey didn’t know what to say to him. “Hello, I am Rey. I am the one staring at you from the back in case you didn’t notice. I am obsessed with you even if I truly don’t know you at all.” She better stays quiet. So, she was just staring, and he knew it and all his friends knew it too. One day, she hears them talk about a university event they are planning to go to, and she pushed herself to at least go peek. It was more a big party than anything else. The students were dancing, shouting, laughing and drinking alcohol and as soon as she is in the middle of it, she realizes how much she doesn’t know how to act to fit in. So, she imitates them. She pretends to be drunk (even if she doesn’t drink at all because she would need to ask someone for alcohol first and even if she was able to, she hates how alcohol makes her lose control of herself. It scares her.) She pretends to dance with them. She pretends to be one of them. And they just laugh. One girl passes next to her and whisper something in her ear “Just leave it weirdo”. And she smiles at the girl and the girl laugh. And Rey knows at this moment that they are right. It’s laughable for her to even try.

And it’s even not the end with staring. One day Rey is in the subway and she stares at a man for a long time without noticing she is doing it. There are some patterns on his scarf, it’s full of colors and it’s fascinating and her mind just flows away from her and leave her staring. But when she leaves the subway, he is running after her. He touches her arm (god she hates when people do that) and he looks nervous and out of breath. He asks her out, telling her how beautiful she looks (which is certaintly not the case) and how he needed to take a chance and talk to her. She smiles at him (it’s her evasion card when she doesn’t know what to say) and she runs up the stairs. She feels so anxious each time she cross his path in school after that. So staring is bad. No staring, that’s the rule. That’s a difficult rule to follow, but that is a rule anyway and rules help the world stay stable.

But Ben Solo seems to ignore everything about the rule. It feels like he’s staring at her since long minutes now without saying a word. And she maybe has stare first and she must look anything but normal right now and God may he stop staring because what is he thinking right now because she is losing it. Totally. She will cry again. Soon. She feels it building inside of her. And her nose must be red and puffy and she don’t want to think about it. She gets from the too many interviews she saw of him on Youtube that he can be awkward. That’s something she loves about him more than anything else. But his awkward is a cute awkward, the awkwardness that makes girls blush and laugh. Rey awkward is just that, awkward. He lets himself sit on the floor very slowly, with no sound. She would have not notice it if she was not looking (no staring!). And then he stops looking at her and takes his head on his knees, his larges hands on his forehead and Rey hears him breath. A long shaky breath like when she wants to calm herself even if she knows deep down that this will not work. She doesn’t move and even if staring is bad (her brain shout this in a very loud and persistent way right now), she can’t keep her eyes off him.

“I was unsure if you were real” he says with a short laugh.

His voice makes her snaps out of her trance and she feels like she should say something, but her brain doesn’t seem to want to cooperate. She knows she is the one staring now (and staring is bad) so she looks at her hands instead and try to focus on her little blue elastic ring she uses for fidgeting.

“Do you want me to leave?”

She barely hears him this time. His voice is so low. Rey frowns and recoil a bit in her corner. Why does he think that she is not real? She doesn’t get it. Does she need to talk or not. And the streetlights are playing in his hair and his hands are now on his thighs, his head backing on the wall behind him. Oh god, she is staring again. She’s glad that he doesn’t ask her if she’s ok, but right now, she feels like she is not.

“Fuck, I hate this place! I fucking hate this place!”

There is so much anger and desperation in his voice. It stands alone in the air in the middle of all their awkward silence. It’s Kylo Ren voice she hears; she can’t help it. And she can’t help the smile that comes to her lips. It feels so strange. He look at her from the side and he notices her smile and Rey doesn’t understand why really, but it makes him smile back. A large smile that makes his eyes wrinkles and that illuminate his face from the inside. Rey has never seen something more beautiful and she is certain at this moment that she must be sleeping on the floor dreaming because it can’t be real. It can’t be real.


	3. Smiles and friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Rey smiles and the life smiles back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not update as often after that. I only wanted to get a part of this story out of my head! It was just turning around and around in my mind... at least now, some of it is out there with you. I hope you will enjoy!

He looks at her smiling. She looks at him smiling. And it is a unique feeling this share smile that last maybe too long and that came from nothing. Like a secret they can keep preciously from the rest of humanity. At least, it is exactly what Rey intend to do. Keeping it preciously. Ben shakes his head, his hair flowing a little around and he laugh, a small, quiet laugh, almost a relief laugh and he still looks at her from the side and she does the same and they both laugh again, but not so quiet now. She hears him breath again, but this time it is more like a sigh. They stay like this, the laugher floating between them and Rey close her eyes. How is it possible for her to felt so broken some minutes ago and now to be so overwhelmed by happiness? She smiles again at how much she is a true mess at dealing with emotions.

She feels him moving beside her and when she looks, he has stretched his right arm toward her as if to ask for her hand.

Rey is examining the shadow of his long fingers when she hears him whisper with softness (and a hint of sadness?) in his voice

“I need to go back inside. Can’t escape it.”

He blinks and he raises his tall body from the floor, slowly, like it is the last thing he wants to do, but he has no choice but to do it anyway.

Before going back inside, he cocks his head and look at her one last time

“Thanks for the chat” and he left her with one last smile.

Rey takes some time before realizing that she just met Ben Solo privately. And that she has not said a word to him. Not a word! Nice chat, yeah, thanks. She closes her eyes again, but she can’t find to be mad at herself this time. There’s a bright smile looming up at the back of her mind. It takes the entire room right now. She stay there alone in the dark between the trashs bins, but there is a large smile on her lips.

When she goes back to her hotel room, she is so profoundly lost in her mind that she doesn’t notice the girl who waves at her in a freaky way. Rose starts shouting her name (She has no memory of having given it to her.) She is with two guys who must be her friends.

“Rey!! It’s Rey!! I though about you all the evening. I was hoping to find you again!”

Rose is chatting excitably, moving around Rey, touching her, but Rey doesn’t care. She is so focus on her own happiness bubble that she barely notices it anyway. She smiles at them and she can’t help but note for herself that she has smile quite a lot tonight. Rose doesn’t ask questions about her leaving earlier and Rey love her a little more for that. And that is maybe why she accepts to follow them into their room. Usually, she would have refused without even thinking about it. But she is in Los Angeles. She is alone. (and she just met Ben Solo). She needs to think freely.

Rose introduce her to her friends, Poe et and Finn. Poe is a funny guy who looks a little grumpy, but Rey learn quickly that you don’t need to take anything he says too seriously. Finn seems younger and is way calmer (which is not difficult either). He always smiles at Rey when he talks to her. They just chat on the floor between the beds in their room, with some alcohol bottles (but Rey don’t feel left out when she says she don’t drink) and many soft blankets and cushions. Rey don’t feel the urge to talk when she doesn’t want too. She just feels good and accepted. They are easy to be around. They mostly talk about the Comicon and about the actors and movies they love, and they are safe subjects now for Rey. It comes naturally. Rose is the most passionate of the gang. But Rey can stand her ground when it comes to talking about The rise of Kylo Ren and Ben Solo. She doesn’t need to censure herself and it feels good, it even makes her feel a little dizzy. She seems like she can't stop talking about him and nobody looks at her like she's boring or crazy.

Poe doesn’t like how they have changed some ancient beliefs of the movies in the last one. It’s an understatement. He hates it and he explain it ardently. Finn is more moderate. He likes to underline the good stuff and the bad stuff and most of the time, Rey agree with him. Rose hate how they have developed the love story and believe that for a movie named The rise of Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren could have had a bigger role. He doesn't even get to talk in the last part of the movie and Rey fervently agree with her. Rose is so mad about his redemption arc (or absence of). Poe is arguing that there is no love story and no redemption arc at all, and the two friends are just fighting for fun over it. It is evident that it is not the first time that they battle over this subject.

“Do you know if I could get a refund for my photoshoot ticket?” Rey ask them when there is finally a pause in the debate.

They turn their head in her direction in perfect harmony. “Why would you want to do that?” Rose ask her seriously.

Rey try to explain without truly explaining how she has missed the photoshoot appointment and how she believes it is over for her anyway at the Comicon. And there they are, every one of them totally concentrate now on her and on how to help her. It could feel overwhelming for Rey in so many ways, but she doesn’t understand why, it’s mostly reassuring in a weird way. She is not alone. Rose finds that you can sometimes change the time of your photoshoot. They will just need to go the customer service desk. When she sees the fright in Rey eyes, she quickly offers that they will go together. Rey is not convinced, but she doesn’t say no and it’s a great start.

Not one time during the evening does she thinks about telling them about her strange meeting with Ben Solo. It feels kind of private to her and there is not really something to talk about. Nothing happened. She didn’t even say a word. She wouldn’t know what to say really. When she goes back to her room, late in the night, more relax that she has ever been since a long time, she knows that she will accept to go back to the Comicon with Rose, Finn and Poe (Does she have friends now? It feels like it.) just to at least take a chance to maybe see him again…


	4. Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey lost her breath and find it again. It is never easier alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is haunting me! The title is so real for me right now: I need to get it out of my head! So here is a new chapter, way before I though it would be possible. Please tell me what you think of it. I love reading your comments.

The following day, Rey woke up completely disoriented in her hotel bedroom. She has just opened her eyes and she feel it already in the way her body hurt at the burning sensation coming from her clothes seams on her skin. In the way her mind starts to dissect fiercely every word, every people interaction from the day before. Her brain is in full freak out mode at 7 in the morning. It will be a long day.

It is not far from 9 when someone knock on the door. She already knows it is Rose, Poe and Finn, but she doesn’t move to answer. She heard them a long time before they stop in front of the door. That part of her that is freaking out don’t want to believe that they truly came to meet her, and she only want to hide under the blanket. But she hears Rose and Finn singing together like if nobody cares (Lost boy from Ruth B, she loves this song.) and she push herself. She can do it.

They are in front of the Comicon customer service desk for 15 minutes now and Rey is convinced without a doubt that it is a very bad idea after all to be back here. Rose is arguing with the service employee and her voice keeps getting higher. She’s almost yelling now, and it is evident from the clerk look that it will not help her cause. Poe is fed up of waiting and he don’t even try to hide it. Finn stays next to Rey and she have the impression that he may wants to comfort her, but it doesn’t help at all. He is way too close and she wants to tell him to give her space and she wants to tell them to forget it, to just drop the subject, she will lost her money, she will miss that stupid project of her to go to that photoshoot and that’s it.

She just wants to leave right now. Why would she want to take a picture with Ben Solo right now anyway? He was definitely laughing at her yesterday; she is certain of it. It would only feel more awkward, if more awkward than yesterday is even possible. And what would she say to him? She was alone with him and was unable to pronounce a single word. She was out of her mind when she has pay for these 15 minutes and a picture with him. She felt strong at that time maybe, but she is no more.

She calls Rose’s name a little too loud, a little too much emotions in her voice and some kids looking around some Marvel posters freeze and look at her with frowning faces. Rose don’t mind her call and goes on with her speech and Rey feels the need to scream building in her, really fast, really deep, in a way that she knows she may not be able to suppress fast enough and god, there is so many people around and there are the tears menacing to flood again. And so, she flees without looking back.

Her feet guide her outside at the same exact spot as yesterday at the back of the building. She is biting the inside of her cheeks, hard, too bad it may bleed, she truly doesn’t care. Her nails are doing the same in her palms. She will not cry again. She wont! She will not allow it. She can control it. And so, she repeats again and again in a litany in her head and so she bites stronger. The pain feels real. It feels reassuring.

Beside the trash bins, she closes her eyes to try to regain control, but it’s like a spiral in her mind. It turns at full spin and she has no grip on it. It is like falling, but without falling at all and it hurt so bad. So bad.

Rey doesn’t feel him before she hears him says “Hey” in his deep voice.

She’s way too far gone. But she doesn’t need to open her eyes to knows that it is him. She keeps her eyes close (she must look so weird, but she doesn’t care) and she feels him more than she hears him moving next to her.

“Hey” he says again.

He is next to her now. She feels his closeness and she freeze a little. He doesn’t seems disturb by the fact that her eyes are still close, that she is not looking at him like a normal person would do. At least he says nothing more. He just stays there, quiet and gradually Rey make contacts with her body again. The taste of the blood in her mouth. Her hands in fist on her chest. The tears falling from her nose. And her breathing, it is stuck in her chest, in her throat and it hurt so bad, she feels she may throw up. It is so scary because it feels like she doesn’t remember how to breath. Her heart bangs hard in her ears and she is chocking on air. She doesn’t breathe. She just can’t.

He has somehow got closer to her (something at the back of her mind register the heat from his body) and he start talking in a low calm voice. At first, she doesn’t get the words, she only feels that he is talking to her, but after every few words, he repeats “Breath” and goes on. And she catches more and more of what he is saying. And she realises that she can breathe again.

“I truly hate these photoshoot sessions. I don’t know why I accept to do it… BREATH.”

“It’s impossible to even think in this place. Everybody looks like they want a piece of me…. BREATH.”

“Why do we needs all this, I fucking hate promotion events…. BREATH”.

She feels his hands touching her hands. He makes slow circles with his fingers on the back of her hands and her fists open for him, so he makes these same slow soothing circles with his thumbs on her palms. And he doesn’t stop talking. She follows his rhythm; she feels his own slow and calm breathing and she now sigh more than she chokes. There is no fear left. Her breath is steadier, calmer, relax.

Rey open her eyes and Ben Solo is so close to her that for a moment, there is only a black shirt on her nose and his smell everywhere. She look up, they locked eyes and she smile, a shy and shaky smile, and he smiles back, a warm and large smile, but there’s still concern in his brown eyes.

“Here you are”

He doesn’t ask what happened. He doesn’t ask if she is ok (it is evident she is not). He lets go of her hands and he take a step back, slowly.


	5. Behind the scenes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey meet Ben, Ben meet Rey and all the in betweens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter. Because I felt like it. This story is far from finish. If you like it, please leave me some comments. It help me improving the story and it keeps me motivated!

Ben Solo slides strands of hair between his fingers. He’s balancing lightly on his feet looking at the floor somewhere between them. Maybe she should go back inside, Rey can’t help thinking so. She must look like a complete mess. She knows too well how her face can stay red and puffy for long hours after those crying sessions. It’s not that she cares what she looks like, it’s the people looking at her that she can’t stand.

“There’s people waiting for me” she says, realising that it is the very first time that she talks to him.

She is unsure if Rose, Poe and Finn are really waiting for her, but her eyes stay on the floor and her feet start moving, turning back, very subtly. She will go hide in the bathroom before going back to finding them. Maybe they wont notice that she was gone for so long. Or maybe she can go back directly to the hotel room.

“I have this photoshoot thing to fix with the costumer service”

She doesn’t understand why she feels the need to explain this. She is definitely not going back to the costumer service desk. And he must truly doesn’t care. At all. Her throat hurt and she stop on her track, cough a little. Why does she leave so slowly, seriously?

“What photoshoot thing?”

There’s a short silence as she stay motionless and waiting. Does she needs to answer him?

Then she looks up in his direction and he add,

“Maybe I can help”

He is talking to her like if nothing had happened. Like if she has not been seen acting crazy in a personal shutdown some minutes ago. They are just having a normal chat between trash cans.

She risks a quick look at his face, and he is dead serious, his eyes intensely looking at her. And then it’s gone. He’s smiling again. Rey bites her lips slightly, looks at her feet and back at his face. He is smirking now, a “I dare you to say no” kind of smile dancing on his lips and she try to not look at his lips too much, but he is now offering his hand and how can she stop looking at this smile?

“You come?” he says back to her before walking toward the door like he is totally confident that she will follow without question. Rey has not move yet, but she knows he is not wrong.

“I will fetch you a glass of water”

They locked eyes for 2 seconds, but it is only what it needs for Rey to start following him.

Once inside, beside him, it feels like a shadow is falling over her. She feels small. She feels vulnerable. And she feels SO SO out of place. What is she doing there following him really? What is she thinking? Is she thinking at all? He left her alone, she presumes to go get some water. And she is everything but alone in there. There is so many people running around her, doing their work, planning things, keeping the Comicon in order. She notices quickly that nobody seems to care about her presence. But instinctively, she makes herself smaller, invisible and she looks around nervously. Her eyes fall on a man that she vaguely remembers from somewhere. He must be an actor, she thinks, but she is far from certain. He is tall and large, muscular, long brown hair. Most woman must find him very good looking. She can’t seem to pinpoint who he truly is, and it gets on her nerves not knowing. His name keeps evading her, Jayden? John? It starts with a J… it is on the tip of her tongue.

“You’re staring” Ben whisper at the back of her neck.

She jumped and blushed. The shame makes her look away too quickly, oh gosh, she looks guilty.

He is in front of her with a glass of water in his hand, full smirking now and mischief in his eyes and she realise that he is simply teasing her. She rolls her eyes and his smiles widens. She takes the glass, take a sip of water and give him a shy “thanks”, avoiding his eyes. She feels lucky that he is not truly Kylo Ren and can’t invade her mind to read her thoughts because she believes with all her heart that he is freakily adorable right now.

He brings two chairs in the center of the large open room, not caring at all about those who now needs to take a detour to avoid them. As soon as he sits, his long legs cross at the ankle, he asks her about the photoshoot. Again. Why have she told him about this? He is not the kind of man who let it go.

There is no escaping the subject, so she takes out her phone, find the confirmation email and she give it to him without more explanation. Rey has now his complete attention on her. It’s almost intolerable how it is exhilarating and anxiogenic at the same time. He is leaning toward her, one large hand on his thigh. Her heart is beating faster. How can he not hear it? It feels so freaking loud in her ears, it is disconcerting. He looks at her, there is a hair strand on his left eye, and she feels the need to lean toward him and to push it aside. Of course, she do nothing. He keeps looking back from her to the message on the phone, back and forth with curiosity shining on his face.

“The photoshoot… it’s with me.”

It’s not a question. It is a simple fact. And strangely, there is surprise in his tone. His eyes stay on her face and she is now blushing so hard, her cheeks are burning. She secretly hopes that her face is still somehow red from crying so it will go unnoticed. She can dream.

“It was schedule yesterday. It’s not important. It’s not important.” She sounds like a telegrapher. Nice Rey! She kicks herself internally. He stretches his legs even more and now lean on the back of the chair, his feet almost touching hers.

“Ok. I know what we can do”

She nodded even if he is so focus on her phone, he certainly doesn’t notice.

She has remember her phone background picture (Kylo Ren without his black helmet) and she desperately wants her phone back before he can see it and smirk again.

He’s now typing something and there’s the ghost of a smile on his lips when he finally looks up.

“When you’re ready, you send a text to the number I just add on your phone. Give us 15 minutes and you will have your private photoshoot.” And he gives her back her phone.

"Nice background picture by the way"

She so loves his smirk. But she could hit him.

Rey wonders how she will be able to participate to any photoshoot with him. The idea of it sounds so awkward and useless now. She lets her gaze wander behind him, just to be able to think again. Her mind is so full of him, it blocks everything else and it is strongly disturbing.

He turns his head to see what she is looking at and he must believe she is still looking at the same man as earlier because he tells her softly “I can introduce you if you want”.

“Oh no, not really, thanks” she quickly answers with no feign interest at all.

His laugh is so loud and sudden that it startles her and everybody around just stop and look at him. There’s lots of rolling eyes and shrugged shoulders, even some laugh (it’s Solo, again.). And she can’t help laughing herself. Ben brings his chair closer and he leans toward her dangerously. His eyes are sparkling with mischief and he is smirking again. God he is handsome.

“We must never tell him that. You must be the first woman in the world to refuse to even talk to him”

And on that he stands up and yell at the man:

“Jason, there’s a lady here who refuse to even meet you. It should humble you my man.”

And the man named Jason (Rey knew it started with a J!) and Ben keep laughing and joking around until some other man comes and tell Ben that someone is waiting to meet him, ASAP.

“There’s a way from here to comeback to your friends. No need to go back outside” he tells her, close to her again, laying one large hand on her low back to guide her toward the exit.

“But you hate photoshoot” she says a little too sharply.

Rey can’t contain it. She needs to say it out loud because she remembers all too well how he sounded outside. It’s on her mind since he told her that she will have her photoshoot session with him. He doesn’t only hate photoshoots. He abhorred them.

He stares at the floor, immobile. His mood has somehow completely change (and it’s her fault). There’s no light mischief left in his voice when he answers her.

“I hate photoshoot, right. But you paid for it and we’re in it together”.

He locked eyes with her on the last words and there’s a weird raw intensity in his voice. It makes Rey shivers and he may have felt it because he looks on the floor again and than removes his hand from her back and start to walk away.

She feels a strange emptiness from the loss of his hand. For someone who usually hates being touch, she is so in deep need of his touch, it is ridiculous.


	6. A beacon through the crowd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben text Rey. Rey text Ben. And they meet again on the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still sorry for my English. I hope it gets better. I hope you still enjoy it anyway. 
> 
> I have never visit USA comicon so I am sorry if I dont respect how it works there. I live in Montreal. 
> 
> Please leave me comments! I help me know if I should go on with this story or not!

5 minutes of wandering into the Comiccon and Rey finds Poe, Finn and Rose sitting on a bench next to the exit doors, disappointment and tiredness painted on their faces. Rose appears so relieve when she sees her that Rey almost feels guilty to have left without notice earlier.

“Where were you?” they ask her in one voice. But Rose doesn’t wait for the answer that Rey doesn’t know how to give anyway before starting to explain how painful the customer service experience had been.

“They didn’t want to listen to me, Rey. I am so sorry. I have tried everything. Even have ask to talk to some manager.”

“She was yelling at that point” Finn add, sighting. “I would have disappeared into the floor.”

“But that guy was so fucking arrogant Finn! No flexibility. AT. ALL. He just kept repeating No refund, NO time change, pointing at the fucking ticket. I was getting so so mad!”

Poe is rolling his eyes so hard; he appears to be even more fed up that he was earlier. Rey ask herself why he is staying with them. Sometimes she just doesn’t understand people.

“So short story short, there’s no photoshoot for you today, my little friend. Where were you again while our sweet Rose was at war with her customer service new enemy?” Poe asks, sounding both exasperated and amused. He is definitely a strange guy.

Rey wonder how she could explain everything to them. Where was she, what have she done. There’s no easy answer because every single pieces of the earlier events still don’t make sense in her mind. So, she keeps to the useful facts.

“I have fix it. The situation. The photoshoot situation”

The words come out with difficulty. She pauses and takes a full breath before completing.

“I just need to text that number I got, and it will be it. We have our private photoshoot session.” she concluded.

They now look at her with an astonishment they don’t mind hiding and they all start talking at the same time.

“Where were you exactly Rey? To whom have you talk?!” Finn is embodied curiosity right now.

“I don’t know how you managed this, but wow! Seriously girl? Wow. I felt so bad for all the money your lost! May I see that contact of yours please? Wow, I need to see it with my own eyes!” Rose is talking so fast that Rey must concentrate to keep track.

“WE? How do we get to be included in your photoshoot session now?” Poe mumbles at the back.

She pulls out her phone and give it to Rose who scroll impatiently through her very short contact list as to find THE answer.

“I always had the possibility to invite friends. I just didn’t have any when I booked it.”

“Why there’s someone named Ben Solo in your contact list exactly?” a frowning Rose now ask her. “Is that the number?”

Rey shrug quietly. Maybe he wanted her to find the right number quickly. How is it important really?

The phone vibrates in Rose’s hand and they all come closer to read the freshly received text from who know who.

“Rey, the person texting you from your Ben Solo number is asking for your name.” She sounds vaguely disturbed by what she says.

Rey takes her phone back and the words are there:

 ** _BEN SOLO-_** I forgot to ask your name.

Nothing less, nothing more. She makes her answer short too.

 ** _REY-_** It’s Rey.

There are three pair of eyes watching her intensely when she looks back up.

“WHO-IS-IT?” Rose mumbles. She will not let it go.

Littles dots appears on the screen and they all wait to see what the mysterious contact must write. It turns out to be a quite long wait and Rey can’t avoid anxiety to grow.

 ** _BEN SOLO-_** The team wanted to know your name. They are being difficult about what we discussed earlier. The photoshoot…

There’s no message during some seconds and that feels like long minutes to Rey. Her friends are watching her every reaction and it is becoming somehow greatly irritating.

“Maybe they are just cancelling.” She feels the need to tell them.

She almost jumps when her phone announces a new text.

 ** _BEN SOLO-_** Maybe we could meet somewhere else instead. When it’s all over. I promised you a photoshoot, a photoshoot you will have. They don’t get to win.

And he sends a blinking emoji.

She believed he gave her some general contact phone number and that some assistant would answer her. But it oddly feels like him. In fact, if she’s honest with herself, she is damn sur it is him.

Rey is blankly looking at her phone. Her mind totally, completely vacant for some seconds. Her fingers moving on their own life on the screen as she writes “Ok”.

Vibration again and there,

 ** _BEN SOLO-_** Nice. No pressure by the way if you don’t want to. I can still get the refund.

There is a short pause and,

 ** _BEN SOLO-_** Back door, same trash cans, at 9.

 ** _BEN SOLO-_** It sounded creepy.

 ** _BEN SOLO-_** It was meant as a joke. It sucked. Sorry.

With a laughing emoji this time.

“Rey, are you chatting with THE Ben Solo?”

Rose is staring at her like she is waiting for the big revelation, but not quite believe it either. But Rey is too stunned to be able to explain anything.

“No, it is not. I don’t believe so.”, she whispers in a breath. And the small voice in her brain don’t stop harassing her, LIAR, LIAR, LIAAAAARRR, YOU KNOW IT’S HIM.

 ** _BEN SOLO-_** I will join you in the hall. At 9.

 ** _BEN SOLO-_** If it’s ok with you.

“Is it ok with me?” she repeats to herself before realising that she has say it out loud. 

Rose is giggling now, and Rey can’t help giggling a little too while she sends a short “ok” before putting her phone back in her pocket. She will need time to deal with everything after, she knows it. She hates when everything goes so fast that she can’t adapt at her own pace, but it’s the story of her life. She needs to go with it. So, she giggles with Rose. It’s easier to try to bland with the rest of them than to face that she is very not at ease right now.

“It’s 8h30.” Finn specifies.

“We can stay around, looking through the stands and meets that mysterious contact of yours at 9h, no problem.”

Finn is a very practical man. It helps focus everyone on the same goal and there, they go losing 30 minutes of their time, strolling around comics stands and funny geek things for sale.

Rose tries on some Pikachu hats and Galactic Battles tattoos and Rey forget about everything else when she sees the cutest Eevee hat ever, with the long black ears, dark evolution, the best evolution of all. She tries it on and spin around and she’s so glad that she doesn’t feel the need to hide how she is happy with it. Pokemon were a very strong interest of her some years ago and it always keep a special place in her heart. But people don’t always look at her Pokemon plushies and t shirts with an open mind. (You are too old for it. Don’t be childish and weird again.) Here, there is no judgment, or at least, she manages to not think about it. Rose wears her Pickachu hat with no shame at all. Rey can be herself and it feels liberating. She sees a Rise of Kylo Ren stand farther and Rey show a resigned smile. Gosh, she should have brought more money.

Rey is fully concentrated on her Kylo Ren comic, the story of how the character became Kylo Ren. It is fascinating. She has lost count of how many times she has read it already in his digital form on her cell phone, but it feels way better to now have it in her hands, on paper. It is Rose who catch her attention first by taping lightly on her shoulder.

There is something going on next to a stage somewhere farther. There is so much noises and people are madly gathering to the same point. Next to her, a girl shout to other people to hurry if they don’t want to miss him. Rey turn around and her eyes easily find him. Ben Solo is trying to pass through the flow of people who desperately wants to have some contact with him. He is tall, SO tall. Lucky for him, it helps him navigate through the crowd somehow, but at the same time, it makes it impossible for people to miss him, he stands out and so there is more and more fans coming around.

There’re quick pictures taken. He shakes hands. He signs some autographs. Many girls are shouting his name or Kylo Ren. They are going nuts, literally. Usually, you need to pay to get the right to be that closed to him. It is a dream come true, a prized occasion for many fans.

The noise is deafening for Rey. She can clearly see his face now and he appears to be smiling, but it’s more like a pain smile, very subtle, like a mask. It is nothing like the smile they shared next to the back door. She wonders if she is the only one to notice it or if anyway, nobody truly cares. Most people are used to him not truly smiling. Kylo Ren is not the smiling type.

Her heart is torn for him. She would never be able to deal with it, the crowd, the way it feels like they want to eat him alive. Rose start screaming in her back. She has finally understood what is going on and she tries to pull Rey with her to the crowd. Finn is already in it, both arms waving in the air to gets Ben attention. They don’t want to miss the chance to meet Ben Solo either. Rey realise that it must be 9h already. He may be going to the hall, their meeting spot. But her new friends don’t listen (in fact, she says nothing at all, it is all going too fast).

They drag her with them, and she cannot avoid it, so she doesn’t fight it. Rey is small, Rose is small too. They both disappear into the crowd completely. It devours them alive. At least it feels that way for Rey. At one point, her hand slip from Rose’s hand, and she can only follow the waves that crash her completely until she falls on a wall, looking for something sturdy to steady herself on. 

Poe is there, leaning on the wall too. He is the personification of coolness while she is almost unable to stay on her own two feet. Calm and chill, he appeared to really enjoy the show of all these people losing their mind together. Rey can’t help but admire the man. Chaos is deploying in front of him and he doesn’t care. At all. He looks so bad ass, he’s cute.

She let herself lean on the wall next to him. There are security men running around, trying to tame the out of control fans and from the side, Rey sees Ben, stumbling in the middle, incredibly tall, incredibly handsome and definitely walking in her direction.

His eyes met hers and he smiles. A true smile. A smile that lights up his whole face. A smile that makes his eyes shines. A smile that feels like a beacon to Rey.

In no time, he is next to her, his large body just in front of her, taking all the place in a reassuring way.

“Sorry about that” is the first thing he says, as if he were responsible for people insane actions.

When his gaze fall on her head, his smile widens, and it takes her breath away. It feels like every noise, every light, every person around have fade away. There’s only him.

“Cute” His voice is low, like he wants only her to hear it.

He is still looking at the top of her head with that large gorgeous grin. And Rey remembers. The Eevee hat. She has long black plushie ears on her head right now. In front of Ben Solo.

She is blushing so hard when Finn and Rose nearly jump next to her, pushing Poe on the side. Poe completely ignore them, comebacks in front with his usual chill and present his hand to Ben.

“I am Poe. Rey’s friend. BEST friend actually”

Rey can’t detest that guy. He is something.

Ben’s gaze left her briefly to land on Poe and she may imagine it, but there’s some darkness in his eyes as he details the man from head to toe. It disappears as fast as it happened. If it really happened. Because when he shakes his hand, he is back to his charming smile.


End file.
